Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
