after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
