Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I touched a dick in church today
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
