my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
