He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
