he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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