It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
