OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
