I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
