Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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