Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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