His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
