They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
