so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Found the puke drawer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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