Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
