it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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