it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
