True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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