You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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