does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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