Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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