Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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