Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
