He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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