I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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