I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize