I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
