oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
