I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
