i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
