it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
