Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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