Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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