You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
