Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
