he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They are going to name an STD after you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
