just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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