You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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