'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
