his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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