I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
