oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
