i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
