im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
