Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
MIDGETS
????
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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