the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
