you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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