i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
