Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
