her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize