Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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