my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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