Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
