I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
