I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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