I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
