Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize