Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My dick has a subreddit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
