Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
