Someone shit on the floor
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
