Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
