it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
