i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
