Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize