omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
