I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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