Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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