"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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