She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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