Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
