why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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