3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
