the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
