when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
a search helicopter?!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
