I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
