he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
