I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
