What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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