if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is my gift to your gina
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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