sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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