birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
