You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
