Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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