Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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