My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
