garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
vagina is talking i cant
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize