playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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