I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
People in love make me want to vomit
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
