Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
