just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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