I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
