remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My feet surprised me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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