I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
