Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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