omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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