sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize